it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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