I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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