I CAN MOONWALK!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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