having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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