apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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