i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
