I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
