She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
