I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
