If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
