You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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