If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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