Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
