hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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