forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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