while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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