I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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