That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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