paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
