Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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