Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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