I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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