Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
