I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
