There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize