She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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