were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
