I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
