we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
is it fun? or sober?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
