so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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