I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i already hear my dad disowning me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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