Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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