I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have aggressive nipples.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion