i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable