I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?