it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.