Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.