Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
