then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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