hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers