i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"