i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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