Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
