haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.