I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How does one acquire holy water?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"