There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
