WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
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I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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