im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love you. Go after that dick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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