He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize