In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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