is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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