The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
