Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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