I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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