we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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