i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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